I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize