you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
