WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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