why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
