well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
