that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
