it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
