i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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