Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
