dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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