I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I'm really busy with my period
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