Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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