If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
