I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize