she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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