First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
