I just cut my nipple shaving
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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