Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
They have beer where we have blood.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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