Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
