U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just gift wrapped bread.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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