He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
