Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We had to coat check the pizza.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
