i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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