I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
