Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
