hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
