i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
