I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Randomize
