but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize