So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize