this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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