ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Success! We fucked roommates!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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