i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
