I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
