smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
