is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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