***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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