dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
this just has baby written all over it
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
