I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
