I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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