I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
