Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
