i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
