I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
