the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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