Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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