Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
