I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm too high and old for this...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
