Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
