Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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