the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
