oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
