you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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