Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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