Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
