he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
