forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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