Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
