You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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