My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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