Just cropdusted the office
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize