Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
