uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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