I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
