my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
