Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
